Let It Happen
“Anything can happen if you let it”. – Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins was right. Anything can happen. The world, in fact, can end tomorrow. We have no contradictory evidence to say that it will not. The last part of Mary’s phrase… if you let it, is another story entirely. What are examples of things we let happen in our lives? We let ourselves be led, and appropriately so when we are young, by our parents. They guide us and train us to be human beings. We let them lead us. We let our teachers’ mentor and bring us through 12 years of institutional instruction. We let this happen. It is, for the most part, mandated, but we let them bring us through to the other side, hopefully with a diploma in hand. I can go on and on with examples of things we let happen to us in our lives. The ones I have listed above are mostly positive ones. But there are also times when we also let ourselves be duped, cheated and unfairly treated. This happens in little ways, such as being short-changed at the supermarket, or in our personal relationships. Life is a whole series of lets.
Let happiness happen
One of the things we rarely let, or at least some of us, is to be happy. This one is hard when it should be the easiest. It rarely happens though. We make poor decisions, even unconsciously sometimes, because we do not think we deserve to be happy. This could be for all sorts of reasons, and I’m not Dr. Phil, but the main thing is we let more bad things happen to us than good things. What a downer all this is, but it is all just my cold opening to a dramatic romantic piece.
Does your relationship make you happy?
If you are in a relationship right now, how do you know if you are happy? Silly question, right? You would boldly tell me. of course I’m happy I’m in a relationship! That is as big of a non-answer as any presidential candidate running for office this year would give. A relationship doesn’t necessarily equal happiness. More sad news, right? No? I love approaching things from the wrong end of the horse. I have the bruises from being kicked, to prove it. We all love romance. Yes, even us guy. We never, if rarely admit it, but it is true. Romance is an ethereal thing, which seems out of our grasp most of the time. It feels almost supernatural, rather than something solid we can hold on to. But it is as solid as any rock. When our heart is broken, we feel physically traumatized, and feel real pain. An invisible Mohammad Ali-like, punch to the chest.
A great relationship
And we know when we are in a great relationship when that happens. It is almost the same feeling as the heartbreak. It is a physical, dizzying thing. We get a phone call or receive a text from that person, and it feels as if we just won the lottery. These are the basic early stages of lovesickness. How do we know it is going to stick.? Better yet, how do we know if he or she is the ONE? Again, I’m not Oprah or Phil, but I think we can all agree on a baseline. Are you jealous? We all are sometimes. If you do not have a burning desire to snatch your partner’s cell phone to check their texts messages or phone calls, it is probably a really good sign. Trust is one of the solid foundations of any relationship, and if you plan to spend a great deal of your time with this person, it is crucial.
How to form trust
Trust is formed when your jealous impulses seem to be melting away. You enjoy talking to each other. Simplicity itself. Boring people also need love. Compatibility and communications are two more sturdy cornerstones in a healthy relationship. You feel comfortable talking to this person about the boring details of your day and you enjoy hearing theirs. No one is perfect and there are times we will, and this is one hundred percent, get on each other’s nerves. In this case, however, there is basic compatibility and comfort. You actually look forward to having an adult conversation with this person. Communicating your likes and dislikes with this person happen with ease and without judgment.
It’s ok to argue sometimes
Your partner may not feel like a marathon re-watch of the Game of Thrones, and it isn’t an issue. It is a wonderful thing in a relationship when you understand your partner’s likes and dislikes and they understand yours. Knowing that an argument doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. This all ties back to trust and communication. Couples fight. When human beings spend a lot of time with each other, under any circumstances, there will be disagreements. This is part of how we learn and grow together. This isn’t the Maury show. We have moved on from all that, and it is perfectly fine to have a spat now and again. Understanding, however, that there are areas we may not have the same interests or understandings is part of a relationship.
A great sex life
When we do have a disagreement and are able to come to comprise, this is the start of a strong bond with your partner. We are building trust. Everyone thought I forgot, right? OK, strait-up, I’m a realist. Another really healthy signal that you are in a great relationship is, obviously, a great sex life within the parameters of marriage. My intent was not to put this last, but it fits here nicely. No pun intended. A healthy, compatible sex life with your partner is important. Sex is part of the emotional and physical bond that you are building with your partner. No rules to this.
Compatibility and how you feel
That is up to all the married folks out there. I will not bore you with facts and figures about how many times a day, week or month is the right number. Compatibility and how you feel when you are with your spouse is what is important. And at that moment, I swear we were infinite-… – The Perks of being a Wallflower. This list could go on and on, but these are a few of the areas I like to see in a healthy relationship. You can make up your own lists. Happiness is the overriding factor here and knowing what you truly feel in your heart….and that is love.